Spider-mom

A few days ago I was in the back of the house where I have a few large closets that have been turned into a pantry/storage area. There are 3 doors. One to enter the pantry from the inside of the house. One to enter from the east side of the deck. One to enter from the west deck/garage. The later door is never used. There's stuff piled up against it. There's just no need to go from the garage to the back of the house. Good thing.

Each door has 9 glass panels on the top half of the door to allow for a view to the woods. Very pretty. I always see birds, wild turkeys, squirrels, etc. running around. Most enjoyable.

As always, I looked out the window while I was in the pantry and something didn't look right. I realized there was a LARGE spider at about eye level maybe a foot away from the door. It was sitting in the middle of a very LARGE web. The web was built across the entire door, proabably 3 feet in diameter. The spider itself is about an inch and a half long with the most fascinating coloration. It looks like tortoise shell.

Below the large spider off to one side is a tiny little spider next to an egg sac (at least that's what I think it is). If I remember correctly, it's probably the male who's guarding the eggs and the female is doing the hunting (so far he's safe). I did some research and was not able to identify the spider. I guess there are around 50,000 different spiders..hmmm...maybe it's a garden spider?

Since it's outside and not up against a door I use, the spider is left to do her own thing. I've been checking up on her a few times a day. Mostly she just hangs there upside down, in the center of the web.

Last night I put a light on outside to attract bugs. She hadn't been catching anything for days and even though I should consider the bugs, I thought I would help out. I guess it helped. I noticed a few small "buds" on the web. I realized they must be captured insects. Eeek. She wasn't done.

I watched her as she wrapped up another tiny bug-victim, I saw the little coccoon wiggling a bit. I started feeling rather guilty, thinking about the end of the movie The FLY and all those nature programs where they show the spider capturing some helpless moth. She's gotta eat, too.

Suddenly, she FLEW across the web and started to stitch it back up. It was amazing to watch.

This morning, all the little insect-pods were gone. I'm guessing the spiders had a good meal. The web looks a bit tattered. I wonder if they are growing tired and old and if their time is coming or if they will burrow in the ground and try to get through the winter? (I read about spiders doing that, too). I also wondered about death. They don't know they're going to die soon-probably when the first frost of autumn arrives; if something doesn't get them sooner. I wonder how I would live my life if I didn't know I was going to die?

Before they go to the arachnid-beyond, their offspring have to be born. Only 1 or 2 of their future offspring (after hatching 500-1000!!!!!!) will make it to maturity. EEEEEK. I'm not sure I'm brave enough to witness this part.

I know many folks would just bug spray this whole thing down, but I just can't do that.

It's weird. I really don't care for spiders. This one is rather big and creepy and looks a bit like a crab. Somehow, I can't help but root them on and hope they'll have a good life attached to my back door.

Mental Health Checkup

Certainly one shouldn't need to take a test to prove or disprove something about themselves. I think if you're in touch with who-you-are you would naturally know yourself well enough already. That said, HA HA HA! See my test results below. Take the test and see how you fare!

I *do* admit that being a Buddhist has a lot to do with my results. If I had taken this test a few years back, I'm sure my scores would have been very different. And yes, I answered the questions honestly. Honest!

:-)

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

gracie_tunie_nap

gracie_tunie_nap
Originally uploaded by KitschKat.

Look at them...how could I smack them around, really? (You know I'd never do that!)

Cat Pee

Yeah, someone has to write about this, don't they? It might as well be yours truly.

The cat population in my home changes all the time. I used to be of the mind that 2 cats were all anyone ever needed (one for each hand to pet) until I started doing animal rescue a few years ago. I promised myself and everyone who knows me that I would NEVER let it get out of control and certainly NEVER become a "cat lady." You know the type I'm talking about.

The most cats I've had here is 9. Currently, I have 5 cats and 3 "foster" cats. My house is large enough so everyone has a place they can call their own. Of course, having so many cats does have it's share of problems. It's time consuming to feed and clean litter pans. I have to vacuum all the time! Sharing a Queen-sized bed with my boyfriend gets difficult when 4 or more of the cats want to sleep with us. I can't count the backaches I've gotten from sleeping in weird positions so as to not roll over onto them. But..it is nice to wake up and see them all knocked out and happy, some even laying on their back with their paws up in the air.

Fortunately, I work from home so that gives me time to play with them and groom them daily. That said, just how much time can one devote to a cat when there IS work to be done? What happens if one of them doesn't get enough attention or one of them doesn't LIKE the other?

Fighting! Screaming! Breaking stuff...PEEING!!!!

There are times when I feel like I have a house full of 2-year olds who refuse to get along or behave for even a short period of time. I do my best not to play favorites, but my patience is challenged when it always seems to be the same few cats misbehaving.

Things have been relatively fine here until about a month ago when I started to discover cat piss in a few areas around the house. Bad sign. Once it starts it's tough to get it to stop. I know this since it happened a few years ago and it was a nightmare. This is even worse..now I have no sure idea as to who it is or if it is more than one of the cats.

Some fun places I've discovered the pee:
• In the soil of some of my houseplants
• On a SURGE protector for my stereo!!!
• On two shirts that fell onto the floor (somehow!)
• On my cute stuffed Chococat toy
• On a folder full of my tax receipts from 2003!
• Against my 1940's floorstanding radio
...and the winner...
• on the edge of a guitar case...the pee travelled INTO the case and ONTO a 10-string guitar!!!!

Yes, I do know that peeing/spraying can be a sign of illness and one of the cats WAS sick. He was treated and is doing fine now. This just can't be a sick kitty since none of them are crying or showing other symptoms of illness. This is a, literally, PISSED OFF cat.

Honestly, I thought I had a BRAIN TUMOR for awhile. I had "this smell" stuck in my nose everywhere I went. My boyfriend has bad allergies so he can't smell anything. Whatever I did, I kept noticing this odor. It was driving me crazy!!!! I didn't think it was cat pee because I thought I had found all of it! I even bought a black light so I could locate the pee more easily. Did you know black light makes the pee luminess?

I got really awesome enzyme neutralizer for the piss...that seems to help..but the cats are not going to stop. Every day something else gets ruined. So today I spent a huge amount of cash on an order of The Comfort Zone Plug-In for Cats and I'm starting to give the cats Rescue Remedy.

If I was really smart, I would also get my butt on the cushion and do some Shamata Meditation. Yes, I'm a Buddhist, too and this irritation is supposed to be joyful as this situation reminds me I'm on a path here and nothing is perfect nor will it last (ahh..impermanance again) forever.

Yeah, right.

Wish me luck.

Back to piss patrol.

Over and out.

Something to Think About

Go, go, go! Get it done NOW Faster! Cheaper! You are a loser if you don't get out of bed and RUSH to work and do a great, devoted job for 8.0 hours and you don't go right back home and WORK on things at home! Do NOT sit DOWN. Do NOT relax! Never be idle! Idle hands...

The Virtue of Idleness

Impermanence

pants
Originally uploaded by KitschKat.

Relationships with friends and loved ones, jobs, where you call home, a good meal...your favorite comfy pants...these things come and go in a constant state of change. How we deal with that constant shift is what counts. Learn to let go of attachment. Yes, easier said than done. True.
It's just sad. There is no denying that. Pants. It had to be pants this time. So sad. ;-)

Ex-boyfriends. Girlfriends.

File under: Too Weird to be True.

I dated a guy a few years ago. We were friends before and after we hooked up/broke up. This, in itself, is a miracle since, as most of us have discovered, break-ups mean never having to say ANYTHING ever again, let alone, "Sorry." The fact that we did remain good friends was very cool. We both dated other people and for awhile everything was fine. I was even helpful when his relationship came to a sad close. I was his ear, his confident, his buddy. I made up cool images for him to use on his new personal ad (when he was ready to start looking again). I even consulted with him on who might be a good choice to persue.

Then, "she" came along. She found him. Not only did she find him, even though she didn't "fit" his request of what he was looking for, he fell for her big-time. She is smart, funny, independent, a good mom. He said "no one more than a few miles away from where I live." She lives 65 miles away. "No one with kids." Oops...she has one. Doesn't matter. He's hooked. I expect wedding bells already and it's only been 3 months. He pretty much stopped talking to me about personal things. Yeah, he was busy with work ,but I was there for the bad times and now...well I just started to feel poverty stricken and lonely. Where was my buddy? He seemed to be gone.

I became obsessed with reading their blogs. I checked them almost every day. Each time I searched for clues. Did he love her more than me? Was she better than me? Were they having more fun than when we dated? I got to see pictures of them-a small peek through the door of their life together. I would see comments about cool furniture that my ex had in his apt...but did he ever tell anyone I picked it all out? She should probably love me just as much as him, since I had helped, behind the scenes, get him to do nice things for her (in the beginning before he closed off to me).

Then I went away on a Buddhist retreat for two weeks.

Part of what I learned while away was to focus on "being" with irritation and be willing to just feel uncomfortable. The other part was to work on being open, instead of closed-off, closed-minded. I realized that the loss I felt was certainly natural since all things are in a constant state of change and change can feel painful. I also realized that instead of focusing on what I no longer had, I should take a better look around at my own life. I saw my relationship with a great man, who I have become tremendously intimate with. I finally feel comfortable around someone else. We have a radiance together. The problem was simply just learning to accept change, be open to what comes of it and stop being afraid...

...and there she is. I am online. I am talking to my ex. He says; "Would you like to meet K.?" Before I can answer...there we are, chatting away. I just went with it and I found things that really should not have surprised me. I think it was relief, actually. It was freedom. Whatever I was worried about fell away.

She is just as smart and capable and funny as I had guessed. I like her a lot. I think we will become great friends. I feel that already. I could have shut down and pushed this entire situation away. Instead, I not only get to maintain a very long friendship with my ex, but I get to be a small part of his life with K.

I sincerely feel a sense of amazement about this...and the extra shocker is she just offered up a project for me to work on. No, don't think she's being catty. Not. See, that's what comes of not clinging to the outcome, not being afraid. Once you let go of all that neurotic shit there's freedom.

[By the way, I do have to mention that K. also has extremely huge "nuts" for being willing to chat with me, too. Yet another reason to be impressed with her. She is definitely a cool chick.]