Ex-boyfriends. Girlfriends.

File under: Too Weird to be True.

I dated a guy a few years ago. We were friends before and after we hooked up/broke up. This, in itself, is a miracle since, as most of us have discovered, break-ups mean never having to say ANYTHING ever again, let alone, "Sorry." The fact that we did remain good friends was very cool. We both dated other people and for awhile everything was fine. I was even helpful when his relationship came to a sad close. I was his ear, his confident, his buddy. I made up cool images for him to use on his new personal ad (when he was ready to start looking again). I even consulted with him on who might be a good choice to persue.

Then, "she" came along. She found him. Not only did she find him, even though she didn't "fit" his request of what he was looking for, he fell for her big-time. She is smart, funny, independent, a good mom. He said "no one more than a few miles away from where I live." She lives 65 miles away. "No one with kids." Oops...she has one. Doesn't matter. He's hooked. I expect wedding bells already and it's only been 3 months. He pretty much stopped talking to me about personal things. Yeah, he was busy with work ,but I was there for the bad times and now...well I just started to feel poverty stricken and lonely. Where was my buddy? He seemed to be gone.

I became obsessed with reading their blogs. I checked them almost every day. Each time I searched for clues. Did he love her more than me? Was she better than me? Were they having more fun than when we dated? I got to see pictures of them-a small peek through the door of their life together. I would see comments about cool furniture that my ex had in his apt...but did he ever tell anyone I picked it all out? She should probably love me just as much as him, since I had helped, behind the scenes, get him to do nice things for her (in the beginning before he closed off to me).

Then I went away on a Buddhist retreat for two weeks.

Part of what I learned while away was to focus on "being" with irritation and be willing to just feel uncomfortable. The other part was to work on being open, instead of closed-off, closed-minded. I realized that the loss I felt was certainly natural since all things are in a constant state of change and change can feel painful. I also realized that instead of focusing on what I no longer had, I should take a better look around at my own life. I saw my relationship with a great man, who I have become tremendously intimate with. I finally feel comfortable around someone else. We have a radiance together. The problem was simply just learning to accept change, be open to what comes of it and stop being afraid...

...and there she is. I am online. I am talking to my ex. He says; "Would you like to meet K.?" Before I can answer...there we are, chatting away. I just went with it and I found things that really should not have surprised me. I think it was relief, actually. It was freedom. Whatever I was worried about fell away.

She is just as smart and capable and funny as I had guessed. I like her a lot. I think we will become great friends. I feel that already. I could have shut down and pushed this entire situation away. Instead, I not only get to maintain a very long friendship with my ex, but I get to be a small part of his life with K.

I sincerely feel a sense of amazement about this...and the extra shocker is she just offered up a project for me to work on. No, don't think she's being catty. Not. See, that's what comes of not clinging to the outcome, not being afraid. Once you let go of all that neurotic shit there's freedom.

[By the way, I do have to mention that K. also has extremely huge "nuts" for being willing to chat with me, too. Yet another reason to be impressed with her. She is definitely a cool chick.]