What Makes Relationships Work?
So now what do I do? Things really suck with me and my boyfriend. It's just tense and unpleasant. I want to write about how I'm feeling and what I'm observing, but then...what happens if he reads this? How would anyone feel if they were dissected infront of strangers...that is, if anyone IS reading this BLOG, anyway!
Writing always helps me to feel better. It's a nice way to vent.
I also need some help here. I need some opinions, maybe...from people who are smart, who are in decent, working relationships. Are there any people like that out there? Are we all just trapped in these relationships where we accept the bad and hope for some of the good to happen often enough that there is some balance? Yeah, I realize that nothing is perfect, but should I expect more? OR Should I be more grateful for what I have?
Shit...ugh...blah.
"Everyone" says that having a relationship is hard work. WHY? Why does it have to be difficult? That doesn't make sense to me. If you love someone and they love you, why can't it be simple? Why can't it be something you can draw from and give back to..something that enriches your soul and something that allows you to radiate that back out.
IS ANYONE OUT THERE IN A GOOD, HAPPY, FULFILLING RELATIONSHIP OR ARE WE ALL JUST LYING TO OURSELVES OR WATCHING TOO MUCH TV AND BASING WHAT WE THINK IS A GOOD RELATIONSHIP ON SH!T THAT IS MADE UP?
And please, if you are going to comment, don't comment if your relationship is less than a year in duration. Come on. We all know that one good year is fairly easy to come by. Talk to me when you hit 5 or 10 or more.
Thanks for your help.
Sad in Sandy Hook...
...where will I sleep tonight I wonder?
posted by Kitty @ 11:29 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I've been married 10 years, and though I can't speak directly to what you're experiening (I don't know you, so I can't), I can say that there are ups and downs in relationships.
It's always changing. Sometimes it is worse than anything you ever imagined, and sometimes it is more wonderful.
My meditation practice has helped my relationship with my husband a lot, because I'm both calmer and more sensitive to what I'm feeling and to what he's feeling.
But it doesn't make the bad feelings any less intense, if anything it has made the bad feelings more intense.
The good news is that the bad feelings tend to be briefer. A strong center of equanimity brings me back to a feeling of ease very quickly. I don't carry grudges anymore. I forgive both he and I more quickly.
Metta practice helps.
Doing kind things helps.
Cleaning and tidying helps.
May you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
tedesson
Thank you very much for your heartfelt comments. Yes, I agree wholeheartedly about the effect meditation practice has on being able to be more calm and relaxed and espeically more open. One of the key reasons for our recent problems was exactly that we had not been sitting at all (which was remedied this weekend).
You've inspired me to post a new BLOG about meditation so I will get to that shortly.
Yours in the Great Eastern Sun,
Robin
My wife and I have been married for over 16 years now, and I'll have to say that time has alot to do with our happiness. The more time we spend together, the better our relationship tends to be. We have 2 daughters, 14 and 9, so most of the time we're merely taxi drivers for them. So whenever they both have things to do on the same night, we have a date. Back in July, they were both at camp for the week, so that was unbelievably nice. Don't get me wrong, we both adore our girls, but we need to be husband and wife every now and then. Because one day, they'll move out and it will just be the two of us, so we need to keep that flame alive with us.
I'll have to admit that my wife is an absolute saint. She's a much more tolerant person than I am, and she has to be to put up with me sometimes. There are things that bug us both about the other, but in the end we just accept them and move on.
There's no real secret, no "cookie cutter" approach to a long-term relationship. Both parties just have to want it. If that's there, chances are things will work.
Hmmm..you mentioned that you "both have to want it" and that's where, I think, there can be problems. There are times in everyone's life when perhaps they don't feel like they want to keep working at it any more. Frankly it's exhausting to keep seeing the same things/or even new things come up as a challenge. You can't sweat the small stuff and sometimes you just need move on and not obsess over a certain thing, but you need to be careful not to build up resentment, too. I know it's very complicated and everyone is different and couples are different in how they work out problems.
Kudos to you for being married for so long! I'm glad you've found a way to work it out.
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